On the presence of absence

"I didn't really like authority." Judith Butler

At her fourteen years old, Butler asked her teacher about Spinoza, and existentialism. Now, ten years elder, I am, a twenty four-year-old man, indeed doing man-becoming women, asking myself whether it is possible to lose a identity, while embracing multiple schizophrenic self? Yes, at the limit of self(ves), at the moment of transgression. Definitely not the moment now am I finding/losing my way to the absence. Absence never traps my self which is the way to presence--the presence of my self whom never speaks, whom is never knowable through my self--my presence of self. On the way to absence, I am losing something for I have never owned but seem attributed, let them go. Without attribution, it is better living, and if those things you like, please take them, worth less a cent, millions are anywhere and are you, are they and am I. Um, I shall be that, not whom I haven't seen in those eyes. And without me, please find the self, with the question "where are you", then I am here, for I am absent there I am doing.